Today I found out that my older cousin is pregnant. PREGNANT. To say the least, I absolutely detest this fact.
My Cousin, P, is my 2 years older than me. She is 25. She got married about 4 months ago. I am the second oldest in my patriarchal side of the family, she being the first. When we were growing up, she was like my other half. Though I did stay in a different country for most of our lives, she was the one I hung out with most whenever I was back.
As we grew up, we dreamt of things that all girls (I think) dream of...getting married to extremely an extremely good looking guy and having a lavish wedding...etc..But that's where it would end. Nothing about the 'having the babies' part. As we were growing up, my cousins and I would constantly bring up the topic of P's marriage as she was oldest and blah blah blah. It was a fun topic, where we'd discuss what we'd wear, where the wedding would take place, who she would marry, where they'd go for the honeymoon...even the adults would join in and we'd all have a good laugh!
And then, as all things come to an end, she did indeed get married this previous summer.
She had a job before she got married, she was a teacher. But after getting married, she quit. She said she was looking for another job, though it didn't appear to be the case. I was quite surprised that she actually didn't want to work.
Did she really want to be "A house wife"?? Wasnt that just back in the day? As today's women weren't we supposed to be ambitious and motivated to be equal to our Man? What was the point of education if at the end of the day, we were just going to stay at home and cook?? Ok so she had company at home coz she she and her husband lived in joint family (the concept is still quite popular in my hometown)...but still..!! Where was her self respect??? To make it worse (for me atleast!), my brother in-law didn't really want her to work. I was disappointed, felt let down. This was not the path for the girl of today...In fact, I may have been slightly envious of the ease with which she made that decision. How easily she took it. She just quit and didn't look for any other job.
I doubt that I could have taken that decision, even if I wanted to. And I think even if I wanted to (which I think I will want to at some point of time in my life, and I am not talking about when I retire), I wouldn't have been able to.
Because, I have been brought up in the age where Men and Women are all equal, and women are as ambitious as men, if not more. I am not really an ambitious person - though I honestly wish I were.
Because I have a Masters in my field and what a waste that would be.
Because it would be a huge let down to my parents, who expect so much from me. A huge let down to me - how can I not have a future???
The point is, that she was content at dedicating her life to someone else completely - her husband. How??? Her entire day revolves around him - getting up and making breakfast for him. Making Lunch. Waiting for him to get home. Making dinner. Making Love (Babies). And the whole routine all over.
And now she's pregnant.
I feel terrible. Now her life will be dedicated to 2 people. The baby and her husband. Not to herself - not until a really really long time, if ever. I almost feel let down by her, which is really not fair to her. I guess this is what she wants.
And maybe I feel this way because, I feel like my childhood has been stolen from me. My cousins and I are no longer the "kids", the "babies" of the family. For now there will a whole new generation.
It just never occurred to me, and in a way, as childish as it may sound, I envy that baby.
Friday, December 25, 2009
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