Say what you need to say?

It’s funny, because what you don’t say, is(almost always) not expected of you to feel. But does any one realize that while certain things get better when expressed, there are certain things that get worse when expressed, and thought over and about constantly. After a point it rotates in your head to such an extent that you can’t escape it and it engulfs you. At numerous times of a day, it comes back to you. There are so many things, that otherwise may seem normal on other days, but all of a sudden begin to affect you, and bring these wretched thoughts back to you. It’s almost like these feelings you can’t escape unless you achieve their objective.

The thought begins to dictate you, your mind-frame, your moods, your environment-pulling you down every time. You are then in a frame where all there is you and the thought. You may be doing something but it’s the thought that you’re thinking. You maybe speaking to someone but it’s the thought that’s running on your mind. It’s almost depressing. In fact, it is depressing. And the most depressing part is, you’re on your own. While the thought may/may not be explainable to others, at the end of the day, like with many other things, you’re on your own to deal with it. It is at the end of the day, “your” problem.

I guess it’s like a phase and you trudge your way out of it. How long you take depends on you alone I guess. The silver lining may be distant but you know too, that’s it’s there and you’re going to be alright-eventually.

The Truth

The truth is the truth
Its not a choice
Its in your heart, in the silence, in the noise
Close the blinds, pull the shutter
Hide it all
Hide the clutter
Step out, step back
Its something that we lack
For the truth is no longer the truth
But a choice

The Wait...

I lie here waiting
You’re making me wait
I say its you
You say its fate

I hold ur hand
You hold my waist
I say its u
You say we mustn’t haste

I lie next to u
Our bodies so near
I say its you
You tell me not to fear

U hold my body
U pull me close
I say its u
U say that’s how love goes

U make me blue
The sky is grey
U say its me
And I walk away.

Deja Vu

And there you’ve gone n done it again
The lessons u thought you’d learnt
Were never really learnt after all
Sweet n slow…
That’s what you told yourself...
Gone with the wind…
In a hurricane
Yet again
Not only u but the words too
And you’re telling yourself all over again
The words you’d said before.
Again n again

To a friend...

Hey...

I miss you...i miss hanging out with you...I miss our jokes and the fun times we had.
I can't believe things are now the way they are because I never thought that they would come this far.
I guess I expected too much from you...but is it wrong to expect from you, my friend?
Honestly, I tried my best to keep our friendship going...did my best to give you what you deserved as a friend...always tried to be there...tried my level best-in the hope that one day i would gain your friendship and respect the way I respect you.
I tried to understand, I honestly did...I tried to understand that that's the way you are...that even when I hurt because of you, you weren't intentionally hurting me...I overlooked your carelessness...I defended you...I loved you.
And when my rainy days came...when i needed the friend in you...when no1 else was there....u weren't either...even when I called for you...you never came.
But I made excuses for you, even to myself...I defended you...to myself...sometimes I feel like such a fool...
Because these weren't the first times...It was always like this...Even when we were new...it makes me so sad that my friendship with you couldn't change you-even if it were only towards me! Because, honestly friend....I tried so hard...i did..but i guess sometimes even that is not enough..
The efforts were always from me...I felt like such an idiot asking you to meet up only to be declined by you as you were so 'stressed', so busy...coz even when I was all those things n u needed me, I was there...or i tried to be!
But you what the funniest thing is...I'm so angry...I'm so hurt...and I still miss you...

Whats even funnier is that, I spoke to you today and you seemed to be doing just fine...I wanted to say:

Friend, its been so long!! Lets catch up! OR

I miss you...lets meet up...

But my ego came up and i hoped against hope that you'd ask me...but what the hell??? I guess I haven't learnt a thing huh...

Coz you didn't..

But this isn't post abt hate or angst...I miss you...and I'm confused as to why I do...esp when it isn't reciprocated...in a way, missing a best friend is so much harder than missing a guy/boyfriend/lover...coz when u miss a guy, ur girlfriend is there to help you through it...she's the one you count on...you know without a doubt she'll be there...

But today...here where I am...I only have a couple of my girlfriends around...one of them being her and even though we've gone through so much..She's not there...i don't think she even knows how much I miss her...does she even miss me...even if she does..the bigger question still lies...

Will she do anything about it..?