To a friend...

Hey...

I miss you...i miss hanging out with you...I miss our jokes and the fun times we had.
I can't believe things are now the way they are because I never thought that they would come this far.
I guess I expected too much from you...but is it wrong to expect from you, my friend?
Honestly, I tried my best to keep our friendship going...did my best to give you what you deserved as a friend...always tried to be there...tried my level best-in the hope that one day i would gain your friendship and respect the way I respect you.
I tried to understand, I honestly did...I tried to understand that that's the way you are...that even when I hurt because of you, you weren't intentionally hurting me...I overlooked your carelessness...I defended you...I loved you.
And when my rainy days came...when i needed the friend in you...when no1 else was there....u weren't either...even when I called for you...you never came.
But I made excuses for you, even to myself...I defended you...to myself...sometimes I feel like such a fool...
Because these weren't the first times...It was always like this...Even when we were new...it makes me so sad that my friendship with you couldn't change you-even if it were only towards me! Because, honestly friend....I tried so hard...i did..but i guess sometimes even that is not enough..
The efforts were always from me...I felt like such an idiot asking you to meet up only to be declined by you as you were so 'stressed', so busy...coz even when I was all those things n u needed me, I was there...or i tried to be!
But you what the funniest thing is...I'm so angry...I'm so hurt...and I still miss you...

Whats even funnier is that, I spoke to you today and you seemed to be doing just fine...I wanted to say:

Friend, its been so long!! Lets catch up! OR

I miss you...lets meet up...

But my ego came up and i hoped against hope that you'd ask me...but what the hell??? I guess I haven't learnt a thing huh...

Coz you didn't..

But this isn't post abt hate or angst...I miss you...and I'm confused as to why I do...esp when it isn't reciprocated...in a way, missing a best friend is so much harder than missing a guy/boyfriend/lover...coz when u miss a guy, ur girlfriend is there to help you through it...she's the one you count on...you know without a doubt she'll be there...

But today...here where I am...I only have a couple of my girlfriends around...one of them being her and even though we've gone through so much..She's not there...i don't think she even knows how much I miss her...does she even miss me...even if she does..the bigger question still lies...

Will she do anything about it..?